Being a women leader

You may have noticed many women are great fund raisers or are great at advocating for others or great at organizing events;

but when it comes to a leadership role, they often doubt if they can be a “perfect” leader.

A man imagining his future career, looks into the mirror and he sees a political leader or a manager, etc

But a woman would never be so presumptuous.

Here are some key take aways which women should remind themselves to break the habit of self-doubt, to increase confidence and to stop being too judgmental at their own actions

What women do	What women should do
Spend most of their lives striving for competence	Remember: Confidence is more important than ability/competence. (of course if the task requires you to have a certain skill or ability, you need to have it. But here we are talking about situations where women have the ability, but often miss opportunities because of lack of confidence. note: To admit you do not have the ability, also requires honesty and confidence) “Success co-relates more to confidence than competence”
	It also means, we have to start acting and let ourselves take risk and fail, and stop apologizing
Women are very critical about themselves. Self talk is very important.	When you are too critical on yourself, you often tend to have a lot of anxiety and you automatically think a lot of what could go wrong and do a lot of ‘What if … worrying’ It stops you from taking decisions. Self talk is very important. The more you are negative/ harsh at yourself, your mind will keep generating more negative thoughts. Be kind to yourself and always motivate yourself
Women think people who make decisions and are confident have it in them, it is “their style” or their personality. And women who don’t think they have it, think that, isn’t “their style”	Confidence can be complex. Confidence is part science and part an art Some say it comes with birth, some say it is in the DNA. Some say you can learn and acquire it through practice. – But most studies show, that confidence can be learnt through series of exercises to boost self-esteem – With effort we can all choose to expand our confidence, but we can get there only if we stop trying to be perfect and start being prepared to fail
Women have the ability to succeed, when they don’t is the belief that they ‘can’ succeed	Spend more time on ‘self-belief’ and ‘action’
Women’s self-assurance dwindles often	Men project a level of confidence /comfort with themselves. That comfort is ‘self-assurance’ and it shows confidence. Project confidence. Fake it till you make it
	Why do men just assume they are so great
	Why do mistakes or backhanded comments just seem to slide off them (men)? whereas women hold onto negative comments and let it affect their self-esteem – Women seem to have more of the ‘hurt feelings’ – Women internalize the negative comments and feel hurt/ feel bad – Men curse each other and then forget about it
Even as top performers or not, women do not recognize their triumphs	Women should recognize every small or big triumph
Women think of making the ‘perfect’ decisions and in thinking so, they do not make decisions and do not become leaders	– Do not be a perfectionist, it stops you from taking so many decisions – Perfectionism is a Confidence Killer – Stop being too judgmental about your own actions – Stop trying to be perfect and start being prepared to fail. – Remember, it is good to ‘Fail fast, fix faster’ than fail much later and be hard to fix it. – It doesn’t matter if the decision is right, you got to make a decision and stick to it
	Trying to strive for perfection also comes from your upbringing. – Families who put over pressure on children to perform and succeed without allowing them to fail, do inculcate a feeling of ‘XXX failed and disgraced The family” – Children under immense pressure of top performing, often jump to feeling low/self doubt if they fail or do not perform to their families expectations. They quickly associate low self-worth and think they are not capable of challenging tasks
	When you make a decision, stand for yourself. Defend your thoughts and action, your decision was a sacred-ground and it is worth to fight for. Do not let anyone tell you, that you did it wrong and you are not worth it. Do not let anyone convince you that, you did not make the right decision or you are not worth it. They are trying to make you beat your confidence and also make you take less actions for the future
	Be assertive, firm not aggressive. Being Assertive is being part of your most confident self. Besides if you don’t defend yourself, who will. You are the best person to know your thoughts and feelings. Give your thoughts a voice. Do not let people ignore you, bully you or humiliate you. You are the one who has to advocate for yourself Tell yourself you are worthy and deserve respect

References/ Good reads:

• The Confidence Code